How Much? Too Much! Kmart.

I was going to write about the Resin guy and Bullseye, wasn't I? Damn this week has been so full of freaks, that I am indebted to the Freak Gods from providing a more than generous amount of comedy gold. So I am going to be brief on this one. What made this incident so interesting, was the maniacal glare the guy kept giving Bullseye, and Bullseye really couldn't cope.
"What is the Thor head made out of?" The man said, his voice a fast drawl and eyes not wavering not even blinking.
"Uh, it's made out of Resin" said Bullseye, looking more uncomfortable than usual. People usually don't stare at him so intently unless they want to punch him.
The man keeps on staring "Resin? Exactly what is Resin?"
"It's a derivative of plastic" Bullseye said, lazily typing and clicking his way through Wikipedia.
"But what's it MADE OUT OF? WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE!? What is it's chemical proprieties?" the man spits out, eyes darting all over the shop, his hands palm down on the counter.
I step in. "It's a type of plastic modellers use, because it can be cold cast into any sculpture" I left it like that because I just wanted him to fuck off. Bullseye at this stage had turned pale and was staring back at the man in fear, much like a deer staring down the barrel of a sawed off shotgun
"BUT WHAT IS IT MADE OUT OFF!?" the man nearly foamed.
Bullseye regains control and starts stammering "I can show you Thor if you want, maybe you want a closer look?"
"I want to see all of your Resin statues, I want to see what Resin is made out of, I want to touch..." He said staring at the display cabinet and moving slowly towards it. I smiled as Bullseye slunk behind him. And cruelly picked up a comic, and made my way to the storeroom.

Cover of the Week

Thursday night Aerobics class was relocated inside an Alien Eye this week.
Green Lantern: Let me out of here! I don't want to tone inside this eye!
Batman: Stop complaining, Softie, feel the burn!

Well. so Resin Guy was a little, let's say UNHINGED for a lack of a better word. Apparently he ended up buying a Wolverine statue which pretty much certifies him insane anyway, so let's move on to the star of the show.
Me and Kamen were lazily spending a wet Sunday verbally abusing each other, as we always do and we almost missed it. Kamen spots him first.
Kamen: Shit! It's Too Much guy!
A large bellied man with missing teeth waddles into the store. Breathing heavily and unevenly.
I rub my hungover eyes. Really? Today?
TMGuy: It's R2! It's R2! Where is D2?
Me: That is R2D2.
TMGuy: How much? I say I say you can't have R2 without D2. Too Much!
Me: Uh..
TMGuy: How much is Batman? How much is Superman? Clark Kent is too much! Too much!
By this stage he was getting excited and touching every DVD we have in our Comic DVD section.
TMGuy: At Kmart. In Kmart you can get 2 ones but you can't get a single. All singles in Kmart. How much is one? I say... TOO MUCH! But oh yesssss Superman..... oh.
He stops and stares at a DVD ROM of Captain America comics.
TMGuy: Who is this?
Me: (hand on chin, slightly amused while Kamen is silently laughing himself into a series of incurable cramps) Captain America.
I say after reading the large unmistakable typeface on the front of the DVD case complete with iconic figure of the Cap.
TMGuy: Where I live, there is a Kmart, they sell everything cheap. Real cheap, I can get everything there... but not singles. Can't get singles. I can get this, but in doubles.
He said holding a limited edition DVD copy of the HD-DVD version of Smallville Season 5.
Me: Ah-Huh....
TMGuy: (looking at the statues and various merchandise) Spider-man, Super-man, Lois and Clark, too much-too-much. How much?
Me: About $100 each.
TMGuy: Oh. That's okay. Not too bad.
Kamen and me are just openly staring at him now.
Hawkeye, who had been witnessing the whole thing, mumbles something and grabs a couple of CSN's. (For the layman, that's a free comic newsletter)
Hawkeye: Here. You have some of these. They are free.
TMGuy: Too Kind. Too Kind.
(He said this while rubbing them on his chest and eyeing the magazine section)
TMGuy: That is Spider-Man! (pointing at a Wizard Magazine), that is Telephone Booth! (pointing at a Dr Who magazine)
Me: No, that's a Dr Who magazine.
TMGuy: The Doctor! The Doctor charges me too much! Like this Guy! (grabbing a Star Wars Insider magazine) Who is he again?
Me: That's Darth Vader.
TMGuy: Oh Dark. Very Dark, almost black.
(At this stage he had waddled to the donation candy box that was sitting on the counter)
TMGuy: I'm going to buy a tin of coke. 2 for one. Cheap. That's cheap.
Me: What, gin and coke?
(I wanted a drink so bad by this stage that I no longer saw a fat man in front me, but a giant keg of Pims and Lemonade)
TMGuy: No, No, TIN of coke! I love the sugar. Love the stuff. Gotta have it. How much, How much, 1 for 3 for $1? Too Much! Too Much!

He waddles off. Free newsletter in tow. And after he walks out, a grown man wearing a Pokemon hat comes in, followed by an ancient lady with long orange tresses and a fake rose stuck on top of her head. They both corner Kamen, who is holding his head in a corner.
"Nexus!" They chime together
"Nexus!" they chime again, looking more intently at Kamen's vacant expression.
"They are in the Darkhorse section Kamen, I'm sure you can handle this one" I say, looking wearily at the clock.