It's hard to take a Philipino tranny with stubble geeking over an oversized action figure of Juggernaut seriously. I want to say it's creepy, but it's really beyond that. I am trying to be broadminded here, but the pimples and knock knees and cheap lipstick is pretty much my limit. And it wasn't just her. 2 45 year old trannies came in one after the other in the space of two days. And they looked like those bag ladies you see still clutching those old cat porcelain trinkets that remind you of the smell of mothballs and death as they scurry and strain amongst the few garbage cans in our city.
Yet these trannies seem to have money to spend on toys (good lipstick isn't that hard to get, try not to dip into the sale bin with your male stink of cheap..I mean..."practicality"). The cashed trannie that came today even had a bluetooth piece as she was smiling with red stained teeth about the Star Wars statue of Princess Leia. One long man hand caressing the glass of the display cabinet which then caressed her cheap clashing patterned polyester smock. She even took me outside the shop so I could admire the window display with Leia as the central focal point. Since it was 7:00pm and I had given up all will to live, I stared at her as she mouthed the lines the Princess said to Jabba the Hut in the Return of the Jedi. I lean wearily on the cold pane of glass and will the cold to kill me.
After I spooked her off with the price tag, an American soldier and his buddies strolled into the shop. But it wasn't until they were at my counter that I thought anything of it.
He dumped a large variety of Marvel comics on the counter.
Soldier 1: You readin' this Avengers shit my boy?
Soldier 2: Na man, getting into the DC side of things.
Soldier 1: Are you tellin' me you haven't read Civil War yet? Didn't I lend you those SPECIFICALLY for you to read?
(I mumble the total and watch as he glares at his buddy and blindly gives me his credit card. Okaaaaay.)
Soldier 2: What of it?
Soldier 3: Don't you encourage him man, or I'm gonna put my foot up your ass for the second time tonight.
Soldier 1 (Turning to me): You read Civil War?
I nod and punch in the numbers on our machine.
Soldier 1: You on Iron Man side? or Cap's side?
Me: I'm on no-one's side. And now with Captain America being dead and all...
(I inwardly grin, cuz making it worse is my only option at this stage)
Soldier 2: (interjecting) Captain American died?
Soldier 1: Didn't I tell you to read Civil War? DIDN'T I TELL YOU? Can you hold a conversation here in this comic shop? No you CAN'T, so you shut your mouth.
Soldier 2: Well what happened then?
I finished the sale and was holding out the plastic bag to the man who was glaring at his friend with an indignant fury that I had not seen....and never want to see again. He didn't even acknowledge me.
Soldier 1: Iron Man killed his best friend, Captain America. He is living with Captain America's BLOOD on his HANDS, HIS BEST FRIEND, do you know what that does to a man?
My eyes widen.
Soldier 1: (Slowly expanding his chest and still glaring at his buddy) You read the Confession? Iron Man grievin' over Cap's body? That's just messed up, now the man's gone insane and the Hulk is going to tear him piece by traitorous piece...and you know nothin' of it.
I quickly give the guy his credit card back hoping that was enough of a hint. Oh please go away, I thought to myself, you've got Cabin fever or some shit...go away....go away...
Some more random non interesting things were said...and then as I quickly realised they weren't going away because..why would they? That's me asking too much. I tuned out, only to catch this:
Soldier 2: I think you've offended enough people let's go.
Soldier 1: You know what? There is going to be so many people pissing on my grave when I die, that I am just going to install a toilet instead of a tombstone. Let them piss, I'll have the last laugh, Ha! I'll have all sorts of crazy plumbing and shit, the works.
I snap my head around back to their conversation. What the fuck did he just say?
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... I... WHAT?
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