Infuriating Yet Neccessary.

I want to get this out so I never write about it again.

Me: Good Afternoon.
Stupid Person: Looney Gold Finger Ranging my Cynical.
Me: Excuse me?
Stupid Person gives a deep heartfelt sigh like they have just realised they are talking to an imbecile and must fine tune their words to a lower vibration to be understood.
Stupid Person: Lone Ranger. That's LONE RANGER issue 7...
Me: Due in today I'm guessing?
Stupid: Guessing or not, can I go now and pick it up? Is it there?
Me: It's not here because the shipment has been delayed till tomorrow afternoon.
Stupid: Tomorrow.......(voice trails off like a child still eyeing the last cookie being wrapped up and being put away.)
Me: Good day Lick tomato Grandma Fighter Jet Pilot.
Stupid: Excuse me?
Me: (exhales a deep grave pleading sigh) I said call tomorrow before you come in, to save you the trip just in case of further delays.
Stupid: Oh.

Moron.

Classic Story: The Week the Batusi took place in Zatanna's lapel.

I think sometimes Zatanna really loves Trouble. They have been having a torrid love affair for years now, and every time Trouble slams his hands down and says THAT'S IT! I've had it! Zatanna must have Trouble back. At all costs. Screw dignity and self preservation. If she has to obsessively call it in the middle of the night complete with waterworks, she will do it. It always comes crawling back, weakened by the broken voice of Zatanna's bored desperation. Last week she sought his attention by wearing a Who's Who's Series 3 Batman figure in the lapel of her work shirt. It looked like Batman was trying desperately to leave without being seen. But he was caught. And at our store... pretty girl wearing playboy type super hero in shirt is a good way to spark situational comedy.

Cust1: Why is there a Batman in your shirt?
(Both he and Zatanna turn to her lapel and instantly both turn red)
Cust1: (deadpan) .... And why am I looking there?

a couple of days earlier....

RegCustWhocan'tBeNamed: (staring) ...
Cust 2: (following Reg's stare) Is that Batman trying to escape your cleavage? How bold!
RegCustWhocan'tBeNamed: If he truly was bold he would be trying to sneak back in.

later still....

JM: (in a hushed loud voice for JM knows nothing about vocal volume adjustment) Ma'am, I don't mean to alarm you, but there is a small Batman trying to desperately crawl out of your shirt!
(Zatanna laughs in a resigned and bemused manner and I quickly distract him with King Leonidas' rippling chest in the form of the 12 inch action figure.)
JM: It came in! NO!
He theatrically slumps his back and then arches his neck to the heavens
JM: I can't take him home today! I just came for my 100 Bullets, You know who is home today...and I have to hide my figures from her
He eyes the figure with deep longing
Me: Shall I put him aside for you?
JM: (his mouth moving robotically with his eyes fixated on Leonida's crotch) I will pay for him now, but I cannot take him home.
Me: Oh go on...
JM: (tracing his chin with one finger, thoughtfully) So if I take him now, I can get drunk...
Me: (eyes slowly widening)
JM: And then it would be okay to stand around drunk in my Calvins, making Leonidas cry War with only my cats as witnesses...right?
Me: (My head jerks so it somewhat resembles a shakenod)
JM: I'll take him now.